I have wanted to have this discussion for awhile. I was just not sure how to start it, if you know what I mean. So I am going to attempt to explain myself.

Maturity by definition means-“Ripe; perfected by time or natural growth; as a man of mature age. We apply it to a young man of mature age. We apply it to a young man who has arrived to the age when he is supposed to be competent to manage his own concerns; to a young woman who is fit to be married; and to elderly men who have much experience.” Noah Webster 1828 Dictionary

“Competent to manage his own concerns”. Hmm, interesting; let’s see what Competent means. By definition it means-“Suitable; fit; hence, sufficient, that is, fit for the purpose; adequate.” Noah Webster 1828 Dictionary

Now that we understand what we are talking about I will lay out the complete topic of today. The difference between spiritual maturity and worldly maturity, after which I would like to explain how you know if you are mature.

The first thing I must stress is that you must choose to be mature and that it is something that is learned not instantly gained. Trust me, I know; it has been a long road.

Now, the worldly maturity is by the definition above Suitable to manage his/her own concerns. Basically that they can make their own decisions without any help, usually accepting the consequences with grace. Doesn’t always happen right! That is when we get into Spiritual maturity. Spiritual maturity comes in when we have not just accepted Jesus as our savior but have also decided to walk the walk God has laid out for us. In time becoming more and more like him. We then start to build our character and our moral thought process. One where you love your enemies, you don’t envy anyone or want what someone else has. Your focus is on Christ who gives you peace. So that when something doesn’t go how your flesh would want it to go your so focused on God that you just accept the consequence knowing it is your fault. Now, there is a worldly maturity that can look like this. This is when one takes on the fact that the consequence comes from their choice and they just walk in it.

Some of you may be thinking that consequences are a bad thing. No, they are just the result of a decision. Cooking dinner (the choice) creates dirty dishes that you now have to clean (the consequence). I give the cashier the money she asks for (the choice) then I get to walk out of the store with the groceries I want without someone chasing me (the consequence).

Now, just because you are older than 18 does not mean you are mature. You may be legally an adult but that does not mean you are mature enough to make the right decision. Hence alcohol is withheld until you are 21.

“How do I tell that I am mature?” Good question, the first step to knowing whether you are mature or not is not easy and there is more to it, but let’s see if you can answer these questions.

Can you make your own decisions and accept the consequences gracefully? If you cannot answer this with a solid yes then no, you are not mature yet.

Next question, If you know you do not handle certain things well, do you try to handle things better or do you continue on with your life handling things bad? These could be things like how you treat a family member, how you act when you do not get your way, how you handle something out of your control. If you continue to not better yourself or hesitate on whether you better yourself like asking “what does that even look like?” then the answer is, No you are not yet mature.

Okay, next question. When having a discussion with someone and you disagree with their thought process do you argue or do you let them believe what they believe and still treat them well after that conversation? If the answer is no, I treat them rudely and them dump them as a friend or any other answer that is different then you letting them believe what they believe while you still being nice then no, you are not yet mature.

Why do I keep saying, “Not yet mature” instead of you are not mature? Well, that is because I believe that you can change that and be very mature. As a matter of fact I have full faith that you can be mature. But you have to make that choice, it is a mindset. How do I become mature you ask, start with changing whichever of the questions you got no on to yes. For instance, if you have conversations with people and do not agree on their view point, it is okay to explain why you think the way you think. But arguing is never the answer and people respect individuals that let them have their own way of thinking. If you do not know how to better yourself then start with thinking about what you do not like about other people and then make sure you do not do it yourself. Do you see where I am going with this. There are always opportunities to better yourself. Like facing fears or learning something new.

There is a whole lot more to being mature than just the few examples I gave you and I hope to discuss it more. But if you can not say yes to all of the questions above then I cannot give you more information. You will get overwhelmed. One of the biggest things about being mature is growing as a person, in how you handle things, respond to people, the way you think and even the way you act. Being mature is a life style that many people are not willing to try. I hope you do. I will be waiting to hear stories of your success. Good luck dear friends!


*This Girl*

All Lives Matter!

Isn’t it interesting how Satan is the author of confusion? I used to wonder how that was, but the answer is very clear to me know. It is easy to rule in chaos as long as you act like you have the answers. I want to discuss one of the newer works of confusion that has been cooked up. It all started with Covid-19 and now we are here with this said, “Black Lives Matter” and the rioters.

I wish to discuss with you that (all lives matter). Not just the white, not just the asian, not just the European, not just the aborted babies. All lives matter! This new movement is hurting so many people in more than one way. If black lives mattered you would think they would show love but instead they are destroying things that do not just belong to the white man. I am sorry that it has come to this, I hope it ends before things get worse. What they are doing is disgraceful, even shameful. I would never wish to look at my kids in the future and say I was a part of this, and if I was a part of this I would want to look at them with sadness in my eyes and heart, sorry that I had taken part in this.

This is treason of the highest. Not just to the government, but also to our own fellow humans. I am sorry for those of you who join this group blindly not fully understanding what’s going on here. This is not about racism, that’s just a mask of the real intent.

If this is really about how the blacks are mistreated then let us have this discussion. Because many of you may not actually understand what happened to start black slavery. Oh, I know. I have already lost a lot of you because you’re thinking how you know the whole story. Well if you do then I can not believe that your okay with the blacks constantly bringing up the past because it was not all the white mans fault, and black people were not the only people in history to be enslaved.

Let’s check some facts. The jews where enslaved and killed by the Germans. Ak natives were enslaved or forced to work by the Russians. Many other natives were enslaved and mistreated by people like the Mexicans and Europeans. The list goes on, but here is how the black slavery started.

Now black slavery came about when the colonists started growing cash crops. Crops that they sold to make money so they could buy what they actually needed to live. The supply and demand started to exceed their workforce, so they started looking for other options as far as people to work the fields. They first used what was called indentured servants to do the work. These were people who wanted to come to America but could not afford the boat fee so they paid with some years of service. It is said that not all were released, some were kept as slaves indefinitely. So white men were enslaved around this time period, just not on a big scale like the black people. When there were not enough of these said servants to work the fields the colonists looked for other options. At the time Africa was having her own set of issues. There were many tribes of people living in Africa and they had their own little disputes. But they found out that the colonists would pay them in guns and money for people to work the field. It became a race for the tribes to sell their own country men so that they can take out their enemies (the other tribes). So the white colonists may not have treated these black people well at all, but it was their own country that sold them out. Things got worse for Africa when they shut down the slave trade and made all of the slaves free people. It took a long time to do it but once the slave trade was shut down Africa stopped getting paid and it went under, hence the poverty after all of that, so Africa got what they had coming. On top of this they sold more men slaves then women slaves so once it was all said and done there were not enough men to do the work or to make families.

Don’t you see, we are fighting the wrong enemy. And grant it the white people bought and mistreated you but this happened years ago, and the white men also fought for your freedom. A white man fought to make slave trade illegal. The black people were made free in the time of the civil war. The president was Abraham Lincoln, (a white man). So if this is about race (it’s not) then I would like some form of decent explanation. Because everything they are doing does not help the black people. Honestly they are doing the reverse. They are hurting them.

Please, stand for what you believe in. I will respect you either way. I am not here to start a fight, I am just here to state my opinion on the matter.

I love you all and hope you have a wonderful day! God bless you, Amen.


*This Girl*

Patience, Faith and Prayer

These two words go hand in hand “Patience and Faith. One must not live without the other. Both are not just merely words though, they are actions and feelings that must be a part of our everyday life to make a change. We have to instill them into our souls just as much as our heart for them to work in full effect.

Many times we have to wait for what God has for us, but if we do not have faith that he will do the right thing in the end or patience as we wait for hime to do what he said he would do, then we will never find peace, rest, and we might miss what he does.

My friends, we live in troubled times right now. Some of us more than others, I want to say I am sorry. I am sorry that we are suffering, but at the same time I am glad for us. For God does his greatest works in our greatest moments of weakness. Have hope brothers and sisters, we will get through this. But only with God helping us, guiding us, giving us peace & understanding; we must pray.

Prayer, it seems to be one of the most dreaded things to do for a christian. Even reading the bible, something we were founded off of seems to be a dread for christians. Brothers and sisters this is the time to get equipped, there is no time for fun and games. Look what is happening to our country! We have been on the fence in our christianity for far too long. Will you make a stand? Will you pray for the people who are burning buildings and killing lives? Will you pray for the police and other EMS personnel to have safety as they work? Will you pray that the government God has appointed will stand up to those who commit treason? Will you pray for the people who have lost their jobs? Will you pray for the kids who don’t know what school next year will look like? Will you pray that this racial fight will end?

People seem quick to say what they do not like and yet they are slow to pray. They are slow to get down on their knees before the only one that can change/fix this. They are slow to pray before the one that has the answer.

But even if you do not care about all of that. I want you to do one thing. I cannot make you, I can only ask that you do this earnestly and come back and testify if this helped you. So many people want to pray, but are unsure how to pray. They read the Lords prayer, and are still confused. That my friends, was me a few short months ago. I want to share what changed so that maybe you can try it. This is for anyone who struggles praying.

I want you to go somewhere no one can bother you, either every night or every morning. Start with once a day. I want you to just “show up”. Get on your knees, close your eyes. Don’t you dare pray with your eyes open, the flesh sees an opportunity to distract you by diverting your thinking to what you see. Close them tightly, try not to think of anything (this will take you a couple of times) Call out to him, whether you call him God, Father, Jehovah that’s fine. Just call out to him. Tell him that you do not know what you are doing, but that you’re here. Ask him to show your soul what to pray for. Pray for peace, pray for his help to pray. Tell him everything, he wants to hear it all. Tell hime your troubles, tell him your hopes and dreams, tell him about your friends. Something! But whatever you do, do not open your eyes and leave until you have a complete peace in your soul to get up and leave. The devil will try to talk you out of prayer saying, “It’s too late,” “You should really go to bed,” “Hanging out with family is more important,” “Why do you have to pray? It’s not like anyone else does,” “This can’t possibly help you,” etc… He knows exactly what to say to get you to leave. Don’t let him win.

I have found so much peace in prayer, I have found love I cannot find anywhere else, in prayer. I have found internal understanding in prayer. I have found abundant patience in prayer. I have found a peace in my heart that cannot be explained in prayer. I have lost most if not all of my anxiety with prayer. This is not a joke! It is freeing. And when I do not do it I feel a missing hole in me that cannot be filled by anything else. Please, heed my words and try. It will be worth every minute.

For those of you who read this, and do not do what I ask of you. I am sorry, I am sorry that I could not explain it in a way that would cause conviction to at least try. For you will never know what you have missed, you will never understand the peace and love I now have. The freedom I feel is liberating.

For those of you who read and try this. Please, share this with others. More need to understand the power of prayer that I speak of.

For those of you who know what I speak of and do it, keep going, and if you ever stop praying, start again. God will always forgive you and let you try again. I have missed days before and have come back repenting in tears for my soul was torn over it and he forgave me every time. If you let your spirit given by God guide you in your everyday path, one day you will never forget prayer and if you do you will feel your soul tear until you do it.

I love every single one of you. I hope this was of some help and that God gives you the conviction and drive to do what is necessary for the kingdom of God. Hallelujah, Amen.


*This Girl*

Know Thyself

Hello friends,

I want to apologize for not being here for you guys these past few weeks. I have been dealing with a lot, as I am sure you all have as well. I have been learning a lot of lessons over the past few weeks that I want to share with you guys.

Lesson 1: Be/Know yourself

This is a hard one to explain but I am going to try anyway.

The Bible talks about loving your neighbor as much as yourself; a person once told me that even though the bible says that, we have to keep in mind that we cannot love our neighbor, if we do not love ourselves as well. I am not talking about the narcissistic love that people seem to attempt to indulge in these days. I mean a kind of loving yourself so much that you get to the point were you’re comfortable with your “shortcomings” or “differences” as people like to call them. The way you might laugh too loud. The way you might be scared of spiders. The way you expect trust and faith in a friendship. The way you put your families needs over your own. The way you would work so hard to make everyone else happy that you forget about yourself. The way you dress. The way you act. The list goes on and on, the questions is… Do you even know yourself enough to love yourself.

So many people, especially young people are spending so much time hating on themselves or hating the things that make them “them”. Doesn’t it feel like your chasing your tail sometimes? In this mad circle for power or leverage over people, making it where the kind, innocent & loving people who might be insecure get walked all over. Notice that the ones who get walked all over are the people who are still trying to figure themselves out or they do not know how to stand up for themselves yet because they are to busy trying to make you happy.

I wish young people would spend the time to find out what they actually like and do not like. I wish they would spend time building their character instead of their instagram profile. How much time do we spend trying to be what we are not? Some of you may be thinking, but it is who I am. No, it is who you have made yourself to be. Put down the distractions, learn your values, what is important to you, what you want in your friends, where you might want to be in a few years. People have been spending so much time compromising who they are to be liked by people that everyone is just an internet profile walking around trying to get as many likes as possible. If you think about it, what we are really doing is just lying to everyone around us about who we are. I am not here for an argument, I am here to state facts, what I have learned, what I have gone through as a person. So many people stereotype and assume things that we actually are not only hurting those around us but we are hurting ourselves as well. It is just a vicious cycle that keeps on taking and never giving back.

For those who want to spend their early years on dating all the time, for those who change themselves to fit in the crowds or klicks of people who do not deserve to have you around, and anyone else who doesn’t spend time building themselves as a person and a character or who just doesn’t understand, I have some advice for you from some supposedly great people. I think their advice is pretty legit, so I am going to do my best to quote them.

My sister told me about this quote she found, I thought it was from Churchill but I couldn’t find it so I will sum up.

“If you look up at your circle of friends and are not inspired by them, then you need to get yourself new friends.”

There was of a father who gave his son his great grandfathers watch, he told the son that before he could keep it he needed to take it to an antique shop, a pawn shop, and an antique museum to see what they would all pay for the watch. The antique shop said they would pay $150 because it had a dent in it, the pawn shop said $10 because it was so old and the Museum offered over $5,000 saying they would love to have it in their collection of war antiques. When the son went back and told the father this the father said, stay with people who value you for what you’re worth like the museum that valued at $5,000 the watch even though it was old.

Know that you are worth it, your value is so much greater than you even give yourself credit for. God loves us so much that he has the hairs on our head numbered and he got to know us before our mothers even met us. How wonderful, to know that someone has loved me from the start. Even if you are alone in your opinion, you will never be alone or without love for the Father never leaves us. If you truly believe that your value is not that great, then do something to change that. Learn how much our Father loves us by reading his word, do things outside of your comfort zone in faith that God is with us when we are scared, learn to enjoy your own company, learn what is important to you. You cannot love anyone if you do not love yourself. You cannot love your family, your friends, your spouses, your children, no one; because you yourself do not know what it means to love. No one should love you more than you, aside from God (he knew you first) 😉 .

I hope this helps you guys, I can talk further about it but I do not want to bore you anymore. I pray that you are all safe and well during this interesting time. May the Father “God” have the glory for everything, Amen.


*This Girl*

P.S. I want to give credit to the artist for this wonderful art, her name is Jessi Ford. You can see more of her art on instagram, she does not post often but you can find her under the name rangerjessi!

COVID-19 = Churches closed

Wow, things seemed to have changed over night friends…It was not that long ago that we all went out on spring break thinking all would be well with the world. I have heard a lot of supposed facts throughout all this. Working multiple jobs I have sat in meeting after meeting. In my personal life we sit in on discussion, after discussion. Go into store after store that has different policies, thoughts, and ways of handling this mess. It is hard to say what I agree with and disagree with sometimes. Sometimes I look at it and I have to chuckle to myself, if I did not laugh a little I do believe that I would just cry. Cry in pain for what I see happening and possibly coming. Some people fight each other, and over what? Toilet paper, hand sanitizer and flour? What has our country turned into?

If this post I found on facebook was remotely true at all China has got toilet paper in their country and they have had the virus longer than all of us! Our churches are closed, My God He is probably looking down on us in shame and disappointment. Our churches can’t even be there for their own congregation! This shows our faith Pastors! Deacons! Church People! That is what our faith means to us. People say, “Oh, but it’s contagious!” If it truly is a virus then there will never be anything to stop it, it will alway have to run its course through the body. Oh Holy Father how ashamed I am and they must be. Sense when did the government have the right to shut our services down. The first amendment tells us the government can’t shut us down! Some of y’all may be thinking “well, This Girl they still have those TV preachers and all” They are only there for the money! They are not there for your soul. If I was to be straight and completely honest it has been years sense I have seen a preacher preach for your soul. Talking about how if your going to talk that walk we should be walking it! A preacher who not only says what he believes but also does it himself! One who is there because God put him there and he is on a mission to send you to Jesus so that He can save your souls.

I was talking to my physical therapist one day, I told him that I am a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. You just have to be open enough to see it. It might not be for you, not everything happens for just us. It may be to meet someone, for someone to see how you walk. It could be that there was a life lesson in it, it could simply be God telling Satan like in Job; see I told you so he/she didn’t forsake me. We have to be humble, wise and patient to get an answer sometimes. Occasionally the answer will not come to you for months; and that is fine too. Live in faith. I’ll give you people an example…

I was working the last couple of days for the school year (last year) and I was told I might be sent to another school. I ignored this information hoping that it would not be me they were sending away. Just to get a letter in June saying how they could not use me at my school any longer and were moving me. They asked me where I wanted to go and sent me a list of options. I was torn, I spent so much time and tears over that small piece of paper telling me where I could go. At some point I was on the phone with the lady who sent me the paper asking for her opinion. Telling her that I prefer middle and high schoolers, wanted to stay with behavioral kids and why etc… There was this school in the list, I had only subbed there once before I had gotten in the district and it was a lockdown facility for those kids who could not handle a normal school environment. My heard was lead to go there. But even if I picked that one I was not guaranteed the job because I had to pick at least 10 options for the district to pick from. Eventually ( at the last possible moment) I sent in the paper work with that lockdown school as my first option. Everyone was telling me not to go even my old teacher at the school I was let go from. I prayed and prayed scared stiff as to what would happen to me, in faith that God would do what he wanted with it and that I was no longer in control. I got a call several weeks before the next school year started. It was the same lady who was helping me pick where to go, I got the job at the lockdown facility. She said if I was being truly honest and that my heart was in it, no matter what, I would be happy there. Anyone I mentioned that school to would have a look of horror suddenly appear on their face. I often wondered why I was not one of those people. God has taken care of me from then on, I am happier there than I was at the old school. I truly love all of my staff and people over me. The children are challenged but truly wonderful and often misunderstood. And I still believe this after being yelled at by them, cursed at, called names, even watched a coworker get hit and a fire alarm pulled in the middle of winter. If we would all live in faith and love in Christ, we could all be as happy as I am in spirit, no matter the circumstances. I truly hope this information is helpful to you all and gives you a glimmer of hope. These are trying times especially socially and psychologically. May God keep our minds and hearts as we journey forward together.

God has carried my state through the largest earthquake we have seen in years this past school year, statewide fires this past summer, a flood up north during spring break and now this. I serve a mighty God and he will carry us through, but you must live in faith. Not just the understanding of faith be the action of faith as well, Amen.

If you want to see what God has to say on Faith read Hebrews…

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen… Hebrews 11:1


*This Girl*

Young, Single & Yet Free

Some people think that being single means being alone, lack of emotional support, boring and mundane. I would like to differ. Being young and single is very much the opposite. You are only alone if you choose to be, you can have female and male friends. There should never be a lack of emotional support, you can get it from family, animals, friends and God. Being young and single is never boring unless you choose it to be, you can go wherever and do whatever you want to do, no one to tell you otherwise! Oh what a dream right?

Those of you who have read earlier posts should know that I am not the only daughter in my family. My oldest loves having someone take care of her, she enjoys letting them do things for her. She enjoys feeling special and the one that is important. She has a strong personality and a kind heart. My second oldest sister wants very much to get married, have a family of her own. Stay at home and take care of her kids. Have a loving husband. You see both of them are young and single still.

Then you have me… I wish for something I do not believe I have ever seen. A love built off of mutual respect, a heartfelt desire to never leave the other. A connection that can only be created and blessed by the Father. Something that worldly things cannot break. An admiration of another I cannot escape. I have a love for the way things once were, and a respect for how they are now. I desire a bond that is very great. But until that time, I will wait. Patiently understanding that if it never happens… that is what was meant to be.

If you are young and single there are a couple personal things I suggest you do. After that I will suggest some things you do while you are still single.

  • Know what you want in a man/woman so that you do not sway for a lack of basic need. Write it down so that you have proof of your desires. Now do not go writing down… “oh, well I like black hair and green eyes, at least over 5 ft tall…” Looks are not the important part, if that is your focus then go to an old folks home and pick which older person you want your wife or husband to look like. Write what you want their personality and character to be like. Is honesty important, faithfulness, Patience, humility the list goes on… Keep going until you physically cannot think of anything else. Then keep it, and add to it as you learn about yourself.
  • After that you need to write down what you want to be for your soul mate. Oh Yes ladies and gentleman, relationships go both ways; 100% from you, 100% from them. You need to know what you are bringing to the table, or what you need to work on so that you can bring it to the table. There is nothing wrong with an imperfect list, we are humans.
  • Every person you meet that is the opposite sex, do not look at them as potential candidates. Look at them as potential friends or great colleagues. This keeps your mind from wandering and makes you behave the way you would with a friend and not a boyfriend/girlfriend.
  • Remember your list when looking/listening to people. Try to define their character, interests, morals, thought process, what matters most to them etc. and then refer back to your list. Your list can work as a character check for a friend as well as a life long partner. They say you are defined by your friends (those better be some pretty great friends) Its okay to be friendless, I have only recently acquired one of those and let me tell you they are hard to find. So once you find a good one if you lose them its your fault and shame on you.
  • This part is for those of you who are over zealous and have more time lol. Write down a solid list of how you see yourself in an amount of time. It could be 6 months, 2 yrs, a decade or right before you die. It doesn’t matter what time frame you put this at as long as once you fill this out you stick to it no matter what. This list is for if you never find a mate. If you are never given that person you desire to love even though you have never even met them. This list is not one of those where do you see yourself in 10 yrs lists. This can be that but this is more of what you want to be like as a person. Here, I will give you an example…

I wrote this list when I was younger so bare with me. More like I engraved it in my mind but it is much easier to write it down.

This is my character list… I add to it often and check things off when done.

  • I want to be chronically honest. (never lying unless absolute necessary)
  • I want to be strong in heart, mind, body and in faith.
  • I want to love people, even the worst of people unconditionally.
  • I want to care for the fatherless/motherless.
  • To make decisions with a clear mind and conscious.
  • To be there for the people who matter most even when I am having a hard time.
  • I want to do what is right for me, even if others do not understand.
  • To know what I want in life, family, faith and person.
  • To do what the Father has called me to do no matter the cost.

This is my future me list… I add to it when needed and check off what is completed.

  • Care for children who have no family.
  • Marry only once with no divorce
  • Live out of town in the country
  • Be content with just my company
  • No longer being afraid of being alone
  • Live out what God has called me to do.

These are just examples, get creative do it however you want to or need to. Next thing is to tell you things you can do while you are young, single and free. I am gonna give you suggestions, some are things I have done or are going to do other suggestions are things I have heard of.

  • Travel, whether it be a popup, camper, tent or traveling from place to place following work get out there and explore. You may never have the chance again when you get married. Things are harder with kids and a second opinion, unless you think like one.
  • Be spontaneous with life. Do things randomly. Drive an hour or more to a place you do not spend time in and rent a hotel, explore the place. Build your own opinion of it.
  • Make sure to have time off. Those of us who are single work a lot and do not normally take a lot of time off. One of the biggest things that keeps us healthy is to have time off. Set a day that no matter the job you will not work it. Take time to learn yourself.
  • Try new things. Take a dance class. Try art or snowboarding.
  • Volunteer places. Something that builds your knowledge and helps other people. It is so satisfying to help someone else.
  • Get an animal. If you travel get one that will travel with you. If you are a homie find an animal that is relaxing and fits your personality. It is well worth it. It takes your attention off of your possible lack of human interaction and gives you something to pour your love and emotions into. Someone you can trust who won’t argue with you.

If you have any more ideas or topics you want discussed or just simply want to share something. Please feel free to comment. Thank you for your time in reading this and I hope it was helpful. Have a great day, Amen.


*This Girl*


Emotions, what a double edge sword these dreadful yet wonderful things are, tearing you heart and soul one way and then another. My heart aches at the thought of all the directions my emotions try to take me in just one way.

Love has probably become the most used and least meaningful of all of the emotions I can think of. Have you ever felt like you fell for someone, just to realize you only like a couple characteristics and now you have to try to explain your actions towards that person? Have your ever said I love you back to a person knowing you did not fully mean it? The 1828 dictionary says that love is… “In a general sense to be pleased with; to regard with affection, on account of some qualities which excite pleasing sensations or desire of gratification.” Have you ever had to fight your emotions just to have a decent response to what someone says to you? Do you not want to scream sometimes as you pull on your hair for the mere stress ones emotions can create in an instant?

If you have felt any or even all of those, I guess the next question is… “have you ever had a good experience with your emotions?” The light airy feeling of satisfaction when someone you care about holds you close. That sense of pride that builds when you accomplish something our you are given a compliment?

Emotions are meant to build us up and help us through life, not tear us down and make us feel like old miserable souls. Emotions are tools in our tool box and must be handled as such. Not to be followed without a second thought or trusted off of a whim. But to be used when needed, and only then. Emotions are tools we use to express ourselves, not to manipulate them into giving us what we want. Emotions are a gift and should be respected.

Emotions remind me of fire. They have to be treated with care, respected and understood to be helpful to us. If not they just burn everything that holds any value to us; our relationships, family, coworkers the list goes on.

The bible talks about our hearts being desperately wicked. I believe mine is, but I also believe that my emotions help the heart in the way it goes whenever possible which is why we must know how to use them. If our emotions did not drive our hearts why else would we pine for people that are not ours, get frustrated when things do not go the way we envisioned them, do things that we would not normally do in a right frame of mind? Is it because you are not fasting and praying? Do you not know yourself or your emotions enough to control or restrain yourself from acting out? Or possibly for some other reason? This is something you will have to reason to yourself.

To have your emotions under control and held with a tight leash is something to be learned, practiced, and understood. It is a talent, some of us must work on it. It has taken me much learning to be able to bridle my emotions and still tackle every day life without being callused and rude to those your brush me wrong. You must still be kind, loving, understanding, empathetic, and generous with time when practicing this skill. But I believe you will master anything you put your mind to.

The bible says anything is possible through Christ Jesus, Amen. May you believe and be free.


*This Girl*

The Clay

Our lives with God have off and on been equated to a potter and his clay. I use to wonder and struggle about this analogy. I knew what I was told it meant, but at the same time, “What did it mean to me?” What a thought provoking question… you see I truly believe I have only recently made some sort of connection that could at all render me an answer, so I would like to share my thoughts on this subject with you. If you do not mind that is.

I have recently been struggling with some things. Some work related, some home related, others are related to me and my walk with the Father. I have inadvertently realized how wrong we are as humans. You know how you know something in your head, but you do not know it in your heart (the true meaning that is). Yeah, that is how I felt when I realized the answer. This is something I will endeavor to explain but truly, God will have to revel it to you on your own time.

You see, I work with people who have been abused or abandoned in some shape form or fashion. As a matter of fact I have worked with these people for going on two years. The people I work with are people who either did not fit in the normal program of things or felt a connection to the people we care for in some shape, form or fashion. I have been trained to handle almost any given situation, but you cannot train the soul and spirit for the reality that hits you eventually.

Some of the things I realized is that we address people with such malice, wether intended or not we do. We decide we are right and they need to hear what we have to say or that whatever they are doing is not up to our standards and they must be dealt with. We even have the cold shoulder people who think that either what they have to say is too much for someone or that the person they should address is not worth their time. How shameful we are to be so rude to one another.

I have realized that my relationship with people or lack thereof, 9 times out of 10 is my fault. Most of the time I do not even mean what people perceive and assume. I have been told I am too hard on people, too black and white as others have put it. But it is time to call the kettle what it is “Black”. It is time to point to the real problem “Us”

God has been putting me through these very painful lessons and I will share some of them with you today.

  • Respect of persons
  • When to say no
  • Gluttony of something other than food
  • It is okay to be alone
  • Do not do it for them

These are only a few examples and letting God change these things about me is leaving me exhausted and concerned for the future because we are creatures of habit and we do not want to leave what we know to be our “Routine” or our “way of living”. It is like a turtle leaving its shell its scary at first, probably even scary until we get into the swing of things.

In respect of persons he is showing me how it is not my job to show someone how they should be. It is not my job to decide who, why, where, what, etc. I am only here to love, speak life and if at all given the chance, lead someone to the Father.

When to say no… when do we decide enough is enough, or rather too much is just that, too much. This one also leads in to the gluttony part of this, where we do not know when to stop. I am working three jobs while helping with my parents and doing church three times a week, the only day I have nothing to do is Sunday, and I do not even see that sometimes. That is a form of gluttony, too much of anything is not good for you.

It is okay to be alone… You do not need to satisfy your emotional needs by the comments and time with others. Learn how to enjoy your own thought process and company. Fine yourself in God and not in others. Because honey, if we do not love who we are, how do we expect others to love us for who we are?

Do not do anything for the fleshly human beings around you. Do not go to that school because they said so, do not wear that color because they said so, the list goes on. Do it because God said so! Do everything because the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost said to and you will never, ever, go wrong. Paul says I went right and He told me to go left, I went left and He told me to go right. We will make mistakes, own them and then change em.

Do not be afraid of change, the Father has a plan for you and me. Embrace it, love it, live it. Because if you decide you are on this earth to glorify the Father then you will do just that. I pray that whatever God is working in you, you take it whole heartily and run with it. When you cannot run walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but for goodness sake don’t you dare stop moving towards the Father. Do not do what Peter did and look away from Jesus because you will drown. You will drown so fast you won’t know what happened.

I pray that you all gain understanding and not be ignorant, amen. May you all have a blessed evening.


*This Girl*

New Years

All of those New Years resolutions, what a bust right? Everyone making promises me and my ancestors know they will not keep, most of these people won’t remember the promises they made because they made them when they were drinking or they were just flat out lying. Now I know, you are probably reading this going…”okay”…”we get it”…”so what is your New Years resolution, I mean sense you’r making a stink about it you must have one right?”

Okay, fine, you got me. I do have plans, hopes and possibly of list of things I am going to get done on what would happen to be the new year. But it is just like birthdays and Christmas, why do we wait till then to do when we could be doing it all year. Why make goals now when we could have been making them and actually getting stuff done. As you can probably tell I really do not have the greatest amount of patience when I am attempting to accomplish something. I see an end goal, a light at the end of the tunnel, the cauldron and the end of the rainbow, something. I do not care if I have to fight the little guy guarding the gold pot it is mine.

I actually have a goal for all of you, I am determined to fufill it this New Year, and not because it is the New Year but because it gives me a visual deadline. I ask of you and me to declutter the extra in our lives that is causing us stress and unhappiness. I do not care if it is a closet issue, a “I’m in the wrong crowd” issue or if it is something like me where I have two many jobs. I want to please everyone and be what everyone else wants me to be. I want to be helpful and to be a part of everything that I am actually missing something. I am terrified that what I might be missing is my true calling from God. That is scary friend, do not let life and YOUR choices make you miss the one important and only reason we are even in existence and on this planet. You will be held accountable, WE will be held accountable for what we did not do.

I do not want to miss a blessing from my Father so I will do my best to do what I should do. I am still seeking answers, but if my worst fears are right, this year will be very hard on my flesh. Pray for me brothers and sisters as I will pray for you to have the courage to do the same. The devil comes in various ways, sometimes too appeal to our glutinous self, selfish self, prideful self, oh our sinful flesh why be so a burden!

Our Father sent his son to die on the cross for our sins. John 3:16

May this all be our New Years and Forever resolution, to be our true selves in God, never stopping him from making changes to us no matter the pain. Hallelujah, Amen.

Sincerely and with the greatest respect yours truly,

*This Girl*

P.S. May we be grateful for the little things God has given us, just as I am grateful for that tiny glow stick I had that cold dark winter new years night of exactly 1 yr ago amen.

Simple Life

This is something I have struggled with for a very long time. Being satisfied doing nothing at all. Owning just what you need and enjoying the simple things. Being happy with yourself is accepting your personality, characteristics, minor character flaws and everything other crazy thing about ourselves. To do this we have to learn how we tick so that we can work to adjust things we are not very fond of about ourselves.

Example: I struggle keeping a room clean.

Solutions I made for myself:

  • Setting a specific time/date to clean
  • Donate what I do not need
  • Organize (label everything)
  • Get rid of any hole you could shove stuff into

You see that there is what I had to do for myself. I am still perfecting it, and that is okay. First thing you should do is prioritize. My list changes regularly or I have one for each different thing.

Example: To Do

  • Clean up your space before winter break
  • Finish knitting pa’s socks
  • Go through closet and donate stuff
  • Set up water fountain

Example: Daily Routine

  • Monday – Get up @ 6:30am, take dog out and start car @ 7:00am, Leave for work @ 7:15, work from 7:15am-3:15pm, feed dogs @ 4:00pm, dinner @ 6:00pm, etc.

Do you see where I am going with this? If making lists makes your life easier then do it. But remember, to live simply we must also have down time. Down time is when we reflect on ones self. Some people go and do the things they love, others read a book, some people may take evening naps, I enjoy spending time with someone I care about.

Know when to say no. Enough is just that, enough. It took me a long time to know when to say that. Your job is not worth it if your dying of stress. You cannot be there for your family if you work 12 hrs a day. Give what you can of yourself but no more. Your family needs you, your kids need you, your friends need you, and God put you on this earth for a reason. So just relax.

God says…

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Mathew 6:25-34

As I get older I find that certain things no longer matter to me or some things seem to be just a solid waste of time. For those of you who know me you will remember in one of my earlier posts I told you that I am a multiple. Well, in being a multiple you tend to spend all of your time with the people that are just like you, or so you think they are just like you. I have spent my whole life living in the same room as one or both of my siblings, letting them pick the decor, what we did during the day, what they thought I looked cute wearing, the list goes on. I was scared to move out of just the bedroom I shared. Scared to find out who I was without them, not who WE are but who I am (without them).

Recently I was convicted by God to move into my own space. I sought guidance on what that looked like. It took awhile to find an answer. I didn’t know if he wanted me to get my own house, an apartment, a trailer for the backyard or what. My mother could tell that I was really struggling with this and she set up some space for me on the pull out couch in our shared art room. I have been living in that room ever sense. Honestly, I am much happier. I have found out things about myself that I had totally forgotten or failed to do. I love listening to my vinyls on my record table. I enjoy reading old english literature. I enjoy typing with my typewriter or writing with my ink pen. I enjoy sitting on my bed and knitting my socks while jazz music is playing and coffee is on the in-table. I like having my dog around, he now sleeps in my room every night.

I have learned to relax and enjoy what is going on around me. To treasure time spent with family. What I do and do not like. These are things we should all take time and learn about ourselves.

“Doing nothing always leads to the best of something.” Pooh Bear

Let me know if there is anything you would like me to write about next. Contact me if you have any questions or concerns.


*This Girl*

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